You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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