I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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