I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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