turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
