I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
