Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Drunk is a universal language darling
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