Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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