i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
zippers are such a cool invention
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
