So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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