I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
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