i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
