Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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