Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm passing your future prison.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
