I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
