was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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