I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I see more hoeing in ur future
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
