How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
