I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
