ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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