Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
