I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
