i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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