Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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