the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I am one with the molecules
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
