Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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