i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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