Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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