I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
