I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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