need another drink. this is the easiest way
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
