Just fell off a train. Bad.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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