this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
