dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Be still, my beating vagina.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
