I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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