I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You're so nebulous sometimes
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
