...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
