i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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