I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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