what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize