She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
