i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
