Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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