How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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