turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
