so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
