my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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