Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
