I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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