Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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