Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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