we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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