That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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