Three words: puerto rican gang bang
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
the condom got lost in my hair
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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