I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
