you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize