Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize