Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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