they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
