is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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