All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
