You're so nebulous sometimes
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
