What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
