I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
