it's great music for shaving your balls
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize