super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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