you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i came on her dog
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
